1st Transcription

Written circa 1989

I have a lot of things to tell you.

I am 5heyenne Hidalg0, a teenager. Last September 24, I became 16. I enjoy being alone in a quiet place. Thinking. I think a lot. But I have a problem. I think fast. And that's not my problem. I forget faster than I think. Ideas come to mind. Too many of them. Just when I am about to grasp those ideas to use, they pop out of my mind. But I still think, think and think. I always wonder, cudgel ones brains. Sometimes I step on excellent ideas, others were just good ones, othertimes its bad and at times it's worse, really worst and it will be much worse if I tell what they were. So never mind. You'll know what I think from now on because I am going to state it all to you if I want to. And I always wanted to.

Eventhough I meditate a lot, I didn't turn out to be a genius but I sincerely wish to know more. You'll learn more from me as you read along.

There are four dreams I want to attain. These are my grandioses....
To be a martial arts expert, a private eye detective spy, a military officer and a journalist-writer-columnist. Aside from these I have less eminent aspirations like writing books for everyone and memorizing the dictionary. [Ambitious!] Moreover, I have a thousand whims.

I've got passion for fashion. I like clothes a lot although I don't have much of them. I can create dashing outfits out of simple ones. I just found out this talent when I began to be more daring on wearing such clothes. When I became 16. [Should be written as: I just found out this talent when I began to be more daring in my wearing clothes now that I am 16]. I could create dull attires to flambouyant ones. [Should be written as: I could transform dull attires into flambouyant ones]. I think I could create fantastic combinations from T-shirts to jeans and scarves and espadrilles relevant to today's mode. I never dreamed to be a fashion designer nor a model. [I think I meant to say that: But I never would have dreamed that I would be a fashion designer nor a model].

I know that I am not intelligent but I want to be as intelligent as Mr. Baes and Mr. Magtagnob [My HS math teachers] and I want to be scrupulously wise as Ms. Canasta. [My HS World History and Social Science teacher] I want to have the wisdom King Solomon has. I want to be broad-minded like Jessel Pamulaklakin, as shrewd as Armand Yambao. [Both are classmates and good friends]. I want to know a lot of things like Encyclopedia Brown. I want to be a thinker, I want to have brain power. I want to be clever like Dr. Haledjian [a character in Donald J. Sobol's Two Minute Mysteries book series]. I want to be erudite. I want to be perspicacious, sharp, smart and well informed. I want to be highly educated. I want to be knowledgeable, au courant, aware, conscious, scholastically learned. I want to have the ability, capacity and intimacy.

But, I don't want to be bonkers, psychotic, shrink, nuts, psychopath, [boy, I really used my thesaurus] insane, deranged... in other words crazy, please! another one - lunatic.

This an annotation written in 1992 as I was trascribing this note into the notebook. "You must understand that I have not been born naturally gifted. It has been my endless craving that I be civilized and nurtured [I think I meant cultured] to the fullest."